Saturday, March 17, 2012

How long will it take

For my inlaws to believe Im not packing up and running back to the states?

Im not upset (anymore) , I just find it a little humourous. I recently blogged that we are returning to the States for a weeklong visit (just me and the girls). My suegra told Papi that she doent think I will be returning to Mexico.

Um, yes. Because I packed up our entire life and moved my family across an international border on a whim and after 2.5 months Im done. Because I want my children to live without their father. Because I want to live with mi vida, mi amor. Because I brought all MY belongings (and lots of things that were my fathers) and things special to my family - but Ill just leave that here because I dont have the juevos to tell everyone Im ditching ship.

Believe me, if I were returning to the States permanently you would know it. And your son would be coming with us.

I did bring it up with her yestday, by slying asking her what I should bring everyone back as little gifts. She admitted she didnt think we were coming back and I simply told her "Tu hijo no puede vivir sinmigo, y sus hijas no pueden vivir sin el" which is probably the incorrect way to say "Your son cant live without me and his daughters cant live without him" . She smiled and laughed, but I find many people here smile or laugh when they dont want to argue. I have found (in the short two months) that people avoid conflict as much as possible and often smile instead of arguing.

Anyone else have "non believers" they have had to contend with?

PS Im really not upset anymore , but I cant help pondering why she/they dont believe the girls and I are capable of living here? Its not THAT diffent from the States.


  1. She'll believe you when she sees you leave then return. Funny how some people form their own thoughts and refuse to believe others. Seems she'd believe you after you picking up your life and moving your family to Mexico. That is a hard thing to do (i'm guessing here, never done that) If you can do that then IMO living in Mexico is something you can do!!! People do it all the time. Suegra needs to read some ex-pat blogs... just kidding.
    I hope you have a great trip! I know you must be very excited to see family and friends and bring back your list of goodies!

  2. I know how you feel. My suegra was a little skeptical but she never questioned me or said anything to my face. Last year after I brought all our stuff down here she asked me you really love him and want to be with him dont you. I told her yes. It was different for the rest of family though. They all talked behind my back and said that I would not make it, and that I would be back home in the states soon. Well it has been over a year now and they now tell me you like it here dont you, your going to stay? It is not so far off from living in the states. I still have almost everything I did before it is just done differently. Good luck and safe travels.

  3. Tara, funny thats exactly what I wanted to tell her! " go read some expat blogs suegra, there are tons of American wives (and possibly husbands) living here in Mexico for their family! Its not that crazy or unbelievable!". But she has her own opinions about Americans (rolling my eyes) and I get tired of the "represent (ie defend) your entire country" game if I hear someone say ONE MORE TIME that American food is " puro hambuergesas y grasa" Im gonna blow a gasket ;). Hey, at least I didnt see too many folks in the States giving their kids soda and candy starting at less than a year like I see here alll the time. Can we say "diabetes"? ;)

    Good that your MIL believes you, but sucks so bad the rest.of the family are such caca heads. ;). Strangely , I think of your situation whenever I get too irritated with comments from the family. Im sure thats probably Really rude to say, but I respect that you have stuck it out admist much less friendly company (inlaws) . Javi islucky to have a gal like you - sometimes being stubborn is a REALLY good thing ;)

  4. Aww well Thank you. It is hard to find a line of sticking to what you believe and not being rude, but you cant be pushed into something because you are the one that will be unhappy in the end. It just takes time and learning how the new family is and thinks, eventually you will get used to their personalities.

  5. It is easier said than done, but don't let them get to you. Especially if they have a certain opinion of Americans. What they are doing is called judging. And, unless they have been in your shoes, they can't imagine what you are going through, nor can they judge you for what you choose to do (now or in the future).

    I'm not sure of your "story". Of, why exactly you made your way to Mexico, but I am assuming that it is similiar enough to my story. And, I have been there, the moving to Mexico, with two little ones. Fortunately, I never had to live with the in laws. I knew, no matter how sweet they are, I could have never handled not having my own space. But, them living down the street (literally, they live down the street, like a couple minute walk) was hard enough. My in laws never have given me a hard time. Or, if they have, my husband has shielded it from me.

    But, I can tell you that moving to a different country, just so you can keep your family whole is challenging. As you have found out. And, even if you decided that it was harder than you could take (been there... I "moved" back to the US at one point. It was during the drive up that I knew it didn't feel right. And, I got things in order and "moved" back ASAP! But, the "moving" back to the US allowed me to realized that I could handle it, the living in Mexico part) then that is your journey. And no one is to judge you for it. Not saying that you are moving back, but just that even if, that is your right.

    The one thing that I realized was that you just shouldn't bother with what others think of your life. I know you live with the people that voice their opinions, so that is a little louder to deal with. But, try your hardest to ignore them. What you are doing is something that others have done (i.e. all the other expat blogs), but it seems that that is such a small group of people that most people have no idea what we go through, or have any idea how to relate to our experiences. And, add a cultural difference, and voila, not a good mix!

    Maybe you can ask your husband to step it. It is, after all, his family. Let him put the smack down! :)

  6. Suegra clearly doesn't recognize the level of determination she's dealing with. When The Mami puts her mind to something, it happens. Don't waste your time or energy thinking otherwise! Also, if you were flying home for good every wrap you own would be in your suitcase. So as long as one is left behind, you'll be back!

  7. As one still living in the States and probably WAY to chicken to do what some of you are doing, let me say how cool I think it is that you have all found each other, understand each other's lives and can support each other. That's what gets us all through whatever we do.