When push comes to shove.....

Lie.

That was my tactic today, in the middle of a "oh yes you CAN help me" discussion at Banorte.

You see, when your bank accounts are all NOTB and then an ATM in the middle of Mexico eats your card for lunch....

Well, you say whatever you need to in order to get it back.

Here is the scenario-

Put card in ATM, sucessfully get account balance printed. ATM is out of money ( not a suprise here). Go to leave and see that the machine is having trouble returning your card. After freaking out and asking the person at the ATM next to you for a knife or sharp object, you ever so dumbly attempt to unstick the card with your car keys.

Even after another witness warns you to leave the card there and go inside for help (yeah right, so they can take your card while you are waiting in line at customer service!) you keep attempting with the keys until the ATM tires of your pathetic attempts nd informs you that your card has been "retained".

Walk quickly inside after warning the entire line behind you tht ATM #2 is a card eater (so they won't use the machine!) Wait in the wrong line until random stranger #1 (the one you asked for a knife from) walks in to check on you. Ditch the regular line and wait directly for the manager over there he says. We like this guy and follow this advice.

Except when you explain the situation to the manager, he automatically tells you they cant open the ATMs and your best bet would be to call your bank and request new card. Try all tactics "who can open the ATM? Can I have their number? What time of day are they here? Who CAN help me if you can't ?"

When all those tactics fail.... Pull the "but I'm not from here" card.

"Si no le da cuenta, no soy de aqui." Continue on with the lie - you are only here on a visit to your inlaws and this is your only bank card. If he can't get you your card, you will be stuck without money to feed your children and no way of getting home to los Estados Unidos.

With that, he got up and walked to speak with someone else. He comes back and informs me they can not return me the card since they can't verify it is mine. I go to hand him my drivers license and offer to go get my US Passport and remind him they both have my name and photo on them. First , I even hold up my license to my face and smile pathetically. He asks "does the card have your name on it?" To which I want to scream "Claro, IDIOTA!!!!"

With that he walks back to the counter, waits 10 seconds and they hand him my card. That they supposedly "couldn't access because they can't open the machines."

When he hands you the card you aren't sure if you should kiss him or jack him in the face for all the BSing he put you through first.

And that my friends, is how you pull the foreign mami card. Did you like how I practically said my children would starve if he didn't help me?